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If you’ve ever walked into a well-functioning Montessori classroom, you might have been surprised by how calmly the children speak to one another, how respectfully they treat their teachers, and how naturally they help a friend in need. For example, if a child spills water, another quietly offers help.
It isn’t because Montessori children are “naturally better behaved.” I’ve learned in my forty years in schools that kindness and respect don’t appear by accident. They are taught deliberately, patiently, and every day through lessons in grace and courtesy.
In Montessori, grace and courtesy lessons are as essential as reading or math. They are woven into daily life so children learn not only what to do, but how to treat others with thoughtfulness and respect.
The best part is that you don’t need a fully Montessori program to use them. Any preschool or childcare center can adopt these practices. They help children develop empathy, self-control, and a sense of community.
What Do We Mean by Grace and Courtesy?
Maria Montessori believed education should prepare children for life. That means more than academics. It includes living peacefully with others, resolving conflicts, and showing respect in daily interactions.
- Grace is the spirit behind our actions. It is kindness, warmth, and care.
- Courtesy is how we express that spirit. It is saying “please,” waiting until someone finishes speaking, or offering help without being asked.
These lessons are not left to chance. Teachers model them, name them, and give children daily opportunities to practice, just as they would pouring water or tying shoelaces.
Why It Matters in Early Childhood
We often expect children to “just know” how to be polite, share, or show empathy, but these are complex social skills that take time and guidance to develop. Early childhood is the perfect time to begin, because:
- Social norms are new to them: Preschoolers are just learning how to function in group settings outside their families.
- Habits form early: The respectful patterns they learn now will shape their future interactions.
- It fosters a peaceful classroom: When children know how to express themselves and resolve conflicts respectfully, teachers spend less time on behavior management.
- It builds confidence: Politeness and social awareness help children feel comfortable in new situations, from playgrounds to family gatherings.
3 Ways Montessori Teaches Grace and Courtesy
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Montessori does not rely on lectures or rules to teach politeness. Instead, it uses three main strategies:
1. Modeling
Children watch everything we do. If teachers speak calmly, listen without interrupting, and handle disagreements respectfully, children will copy that behavior. Our example sets the standard for the entire classroom.
2. Direct Instruction
Teachers present specific skills as short, clear lessons. Each one lasts less than a minute and is usually given to one child or a small group.
Examples include:
- How to greet someone politely
- How to offer or decline help
- How to wait before speaking
- How to walk around another child’s work
- How to knock before entering a room
By naming and practicing these skills, children understand exactly what is expected. Politeness becomes a learned behavior, not a vague idea.
3. Practice in Daily Life
Once introduced, the skill becomes part of everyday interactions. The teacher might quietly remind a child, “Remember how we wait until our friend finishes talking before we answer,” or prompt them, “Would you like to offer your friend a turn?”
Repetition is what makes courtesy natural. Practice in daily life turns polite behavior into habit.
30 Classic Grace and Courtesy Lessons and How to Teach Them
In Montessori classrooms, each lesson in grace and courtesy is simple and brief. A teacher demonstrates the skill slowly, invites the child to try, and then steps back. The child practices in daily life until it becomes a habit.
Here is a list of thirty classic lessons you can adapt in any preschool, even without formal Montessori training.
Creating a Grace and Courtesy Culture in Your Classroom
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If you want these skills to last, they cannot be treated as “special lessons.” They need to be part of the rhythm of daily life. Here is how to make that happen:
Be the model
Speak to children and colleagues the way you want children to speak to each other. They will mirror your tone more than your instructions.
Slow down
Give children time to finish their thoughts. Rushing them not only creates stress, it also sends the message that their words do not matter.
Acknowledge efforts
When you notice a child using a skill, say so quietly: “I saw you wait until Mia finished speaking. That was respectful.” Recognition strengthens the habit.
Create rituals
Morning greetings, thank-you circles, and goodbye rituals give children predictable ways to practice courtesy. Rituals help make kindness part of the culture.
Stay consistent
Courtesy rules apply at all times, not just when we choose to enforce them. Inconsistency confuses children. Steady expectations build trust.
Common Challenges and How to Handle Them
Even with daily practice, children will struggle with grace and courtesy at times. That is normal. Here are some of the most common challenges I have seen, and how to approach them:
Children ignore the lesson and go back to grabbing or interrupting
Repetition is key. Young children need to practice a skill many times before it becomes natural. Calmly remind them and re-practice without frustration. Over time, the habit takes hold.
Some children are shy and avoid greetings
Do not push them into speaking right away. Begin with smaller steps such as a wave or a nod. Gradual participation builds confidence. Forcing the issue often makes shyness worse.
Cultural differences in manners
Courtesy looks different around the world. In some cultures, a bow replaces a handshake. Learn from families about the customs they value and incorporate them. This shows children that respect takes many forms.
Children use polite words without meaning them
It is easy for “please” and “thank you” to become empty phrases. Encourage sincerity by modeling genuine tone yourself. Children will learn that courtesy is not about saying the right word, but about caring for others.
Children correct each other harshly
Once children learn a rule, they often rush to enforce it on others. Teach them how to remind friends kindly, or guide them to model the behavior instead. This avoids turning courtesy into scolding.
Courtesy breaks down in large groups or noisy moments
Even well-practiced children forget skills when the environment is chaotic. Create quiet times for practice. Courtesy grows best in calm, predictable settings.
Final Thoughts
Grace and courtesy may sound old-fashioned, but they are timeless. They are the foundation of a peaceful classroom and a respectful community.
In my forty years of Montessori work, I have watched countless children transform through these lessons. A shy child who once looked at the floor now greets a visitor with confidence. A child who once grabbed now waits patiently for a turn.
These are the building blocks of empathy, self-control, and compassion.
That is Montessori’s quiet secret. By teaching grace and courtesy, we are not just raising polite children. We are helping raise kind, confident, and thoughtful adults.
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